Sunday, March 26, 2006

He has his dad's gorgeous blue eyes. The kind that aren't clear, but have the look of crackled glass. The light hits them and you see many shades of blue along with a hint of green. His eyelashes are long and dark. I am secretly jealous of them. His smile is missing the two front teeth and is punctuated by a smattering of freckles on his very straight and masculine nose. Yes, I am his mom. But I know one day he is going to be a striking young man who will make some little girl's heart all a-flutter...the way he did mine when I first saw him 7 years ago today.

I remember finally having the nursery finished, just a few weeks before Brother was born. I was very pregnant with swollen ankles and an aching back. I sat all alone in the rocking chair that sat in the corner behind the door. All was quiet except for the soft creaking of the rocker on the wooden floor. I was about to become a mother, and I couldn't even fathom what that was going to be like. I sat yearning for the day I could rock him and imagined something I knew nothing about. Of course, in my mind, it was ideal. And the reality was a bit harsh. Those first few days after he was born are a sleep-deprived, depression-ridden blur. But once we got to know each other a little better, it was more beautiful and supernatural than any fantasy I could have day-dreamed. We spent many sweet hours in that rocker.

Today I see him standing tall on the threshold of mommy's boy and independence. Each day he edges a little closer to the man he will someday become. And though my heart is proud to see him taking shape, I want to grab hold of his little shirt collar and pull him back toward me. Little boy, please don't wander so far. Please, don't get out of my sight. Stay where I can see you. Stay right here.

God gave me a priceless treasure 7 years ago. A treasure that grows more precious and valuable to me with every passing second...every fleeting breath. Happy Birthday, Baby Boy. May you someday know the same unexpressable joy you have given us each and every day of your wonderful life.

9 comments:

janiners said...

i am just such a crying fool when it comes to reading stuff like this! your little boy is very precious and you two are lucky to be blessed with one another. it's precious and dear to me to hear about the love you have for him (and any of your kids, for that matter), and I think it's wonderful that you are writing all these things down. (can someone say scrapbooking idea? maybe?) when I start to think about Ryan growing up, I can't even imagine how my heart will contain it all. i guess one step at a time.

Happy Birthday to your ALWAYS Baby Boy. love you and yours, girl!

LiteratureLover said...

I cried too, Janiners. This is so precious. He IS such a handsome little dude! I'm with you on being jealous of those eyelashes. What a sweetie!

heartsjoy said...

I'm crying too! That was so sweet! I know what you mean wanting to grab the shirt collar...whaa. At the same time wanting to give them room for that independence. Such a hard balance but so worth it!

janjanmom said...

We blink our eyes and they grow up. It just is tooo short. My baby is gonna be five soon and I can hardly believe it. Nothing prepares you for motherhood.

Sarah said...

Sorry I don't have your email to reply to your comment on my blog. Your kind words mean so much to me. Thank you. And I never mind being transparent -- I'm just one HUGE screw-up who tries to radiate God's love while receiving huge piles of His grace daily.

Michelle- This One's For The Girls said...

You are such a good writer. I was right there in that rocking chair with you. They'll always be our babies.

Kyle said...

Your boy is so incredible, wonderful and exciting. I can't tell you how important and rewarding it is for us to know that our son has a friend like yours. The connection they enjoy is so 'BOY' and so meaningful for him, for us and I expect for you and yours. Your son (and of course the entire clan) has been part of the reason the past 18 months have been so wonderful for our family.

Thank you Lord.

Now if we can just keep things 'under control' when they hit adolescence...

thebarefootpoet said...

It's human to sit around and complain that I'm not getting enough sleep, and man, when will he sleep through the night. But in reality, I love the middle of the night, in the rocker, holding my boy and watching him sleep and eat at the same time (so jealous). 9 months ago I wouldn't have "got" your post, I so "get it" now!

Sarah said...

Beautiful...