I suffer from a serious condition...it is called Supermom Syndrome. There are times I think I have beat it, but then I have a relapse. I have a need within me to do everything and do it perfectly. Even before I became a mom, Supermom was being hatched inside me. I would kill myself to make sure people had a certain image of me. You know..."keeping up appearances". I didn't want anyone to know my struggles. I wouldn't let anyone see me without makeup. My house, though not neat on a regular basis, would have to look like a magazine cover before anyone could dare set foot in it. I've come a long way in that area, but have found myself wanting to give in to the perfection monster this week. Sister's birthday party is the perfect example. I have all these wonderful ideas and plans, which realistically, are too much. And I can't stop my life to pull off a perfect party, no matter how much I want to. So, I had to ask myself what was most important about Sister's birthday and what purpose does this party really serve? I'll be brutally honest. As sick as it sounds, I wanted to put on the perfect party for me. Not for her. Yes, I want her to feel special and have fun, but will she have less fun if my kitchen is a mess and we have cheese and crackers instead of fancy tea sandwiches? I wanted it to be beautiful and wonderful so people would think the same of me..."Wow! Look how great Supermom is! She's incredible!" Blech. It's disgusting.
Last night I listened to some friends speak about their lives as missionaries in China. They left everything they had for one purpose...so other people could have hope. This is mind blowing to me. There was a comment made that we are all called to be missionaries, whether that is in another country or within our home. You don't have to be a spiritual giant to be used by God. It caused me to see my calling in a new perspective. The world doesn't need another perfect person. People aren't looking for another expectation to live up to. No one wants to see me as Supermom. I have lived most of my Christian life thinking I needed to set myself apart from the world. People should look at my life and see that I am different, right? But I think that's backwards. People need to see that I am not different. They need to see that I am, in fact, broken...just like them. And it doesn't change a thing about God's love for me.
The party will be lovely. Sister will have fun. But it won't be everything I had in mind, and I think that's a good thing. It is her day to feel special and loved, but to also learn how to love others, and in doing that, we love God.