Sunday, April 02, 2006

Vanity...It's All Vanity

I hate my hair.

And it really bothers me.

There. I've said it. I don't want to admit it, but I am vain. Or perhaps I really am having an identity crisis. It all started with a haircut. I wanted to go shorter. I thought it would be easier to fix. I thought if I couldn't pull it up then I would be forced to fix it and then I would look more put together. But the cut wasn't easier to fix and because now I have to use the blow dryer it looks frizzy and crunchy. I thought adding more layers would help tame it, but I don't really know what to do with them. And I thought I'd go a little darker with the color this time, but something went awry and I have gone from golden blonde to very, very dark brown. Were I gothic, this would be fine. However, my hair has never been this dark in my entire life. I think it looks unnatural. I think it looks like a wig. A bad wig. A little like the Snow White wigs you can buy at the Disney Store to go with your Snow White dress.

Unfortunately my Snow White dress is at the cleaners.

I did not even want to go out in public today. I was dreading going to church. I tried to walk in and totally act as though nothing were different, but there's not avoiding it. Something is very different. Everyone said they liked it, but I'm not really buying it. You know how you say, "Hey, I like your hair!" but you only say it because you have to acknowledge the change but you can't say, "Gawd! What the heck did you do to your hair?!" It was wretchedly painful.

I am wishing I had never done anything at all. I feel like I lost my femininity along with my long hair. Which is odd, because I had extra short hair for years before I grew it out. But I also had a cuter figure when my hair was short, so perhaps the long hair was the balance I needed to feel like a girl.

I don't want to be preoccupied with my appearance. I don't want to spend lots of time on my hair. I want to get past this. This is ridiculous. There are people in this world who are dying of disease and hunger and I am sitting here completely absorbed in my 'do. IT'S ONLY HAIR, YOU SILLY BUBBLEHEAD!!!!

So, anyone know a good place to stock up on black eyeliner?


jesprincess said...

Oh, girl! You are so beautiful to me. and since you were at the table tonight with some of the colorful comments on your husband and Ben that sounds really funny. but seriously, you are such a light in my life I hate to hear that you are so sad about your hair. I think it looks really cute and fun. If you still hate it tomorrow how 'bout if I come over when my boy gets out of school and you can go get your hair "fixed"? Let me know, and don't be sad. Now, let's are a fabulous and ever-patient mommy and a supportive, encouraging friend, and a Godly hospitable woman. I have only known you for a short time and am just beginning to realize the beauty that God has placed in my life through you. Thnak you! I hope this helps. HUG!

Michelle- This One's For The Girls said...

I just went from long to short and have struggled with many of the same thoughts that you are having. I felt younger and cuter with the long hair. More "desirable" if you will. (The only person I care about being desirable to is my husband, but STILL.) I also gained weight this year-- one dress size to be exact-- upon the weaning of Jane, so that hasn't helped either.

I've gotten tons of compliments on the short hair, so, I continue to stick with it. I have hounded my husband to death about it. "Do you like it as well? Do you like it better now or did you like the long hair better?" "Would you like for me to grow it back out?" The bottom line is that yeah, he likes longer hair better as a rule, but he said that I'm not a young co-ed anymore and the new hair cut looks more "together" and "age appropriate." He told me to keep it short. (I now don a stacked bob cut.) Hmmm.

As far as frizzy hair goes, I have one word for you: Chi. Chi Silk Insusion. It's a little pricey, (You have to buy it at a salon or a beauty supply.) but you will NEVER have the frizzies. In fact, you have to go easy with it at first because if you use just a LITTLE too much, your hair will look as if you haven't washed it in a month. (oily) I also use Biolage shampoo and conditioner for extremely dry hair and both of those things have made my hair silky smooth.

It sort of sounded like you are more unhappy with the color than you are the cut??? If that's the case, just go get it changed back. Spend the money and be a blonde again. It may be vain, but our hair is permanent clothing. You can't just toss it on the bed and go to the closet for one that looks better. (My justification to my husband for spending the ridiculous amount of money on my hair that I do each month.)

Hair is important. :)

Andreia said...

I recently decided to add some color to my jet black hair. What a mistake! I looked striped and funky with gold and black hair. THe good news is when I went back to the salon they fixed it for FREE because they have a satisfaction guarantee. It made me feel much better that I did not fork over an additional$150 bucks. Maybe you could get the same deal???

heartsjoy said...

Oh Girlfriend! You KNOW I can relate! I have messed my hair up several times. The first time my Mom tried to fix it I felt the way you did...dark, weird, wiggish. She and others said it looked fine but I didn't believe them either. The next day we highlighted it. I agree with the sweet comments above, just go get it fixed or buy a highlighting frost kit and get a friend to help. Salon is more sure footed though. Also, you are beautiful no matter what you hair looks like. Your warmth and bubbly personality are a draw for all. So, shoulders back...head up...embrace humiliation!! ;)

jessica said...

Oh how I feel you! My hair is a reflection of how I feel for the day and the chaos of my life. Anytime I feel that I am losing control I cut or color my hair. I have gone from long to even shorter...from brown to blond. My hair is finally growing out...and luckily my hair guy refuses to feed my need for control over my life and cut it for me. While you can't undo the cut...I have learned that color can be fixed! Call your person and tell them it is too dark...there is something that can be done. The other solution is to go by some cheap daily clarifying shampoo,and it should strip some of the color out! (Wash your hair 3 or 4 times in a row with it!)I have had to do this a couple of times when the red I picked was too harlot like! Good luck!

LiteratureLover said...

I think you should go back to the salon. If you are HATING it then it should be changed. You will probably like the cut better when you have the color you like. But for the record,you are beautiful even with dark, wiggy hair. ;)

SuperMom said...

Wow! I think I need to post things like this more often. What a boost for my morale!!

I am so lucky to have such sweet friends who love me the way I am. Thanks to everyone for all the words of encouragement and advice.

My chin is up and I will go have it fixed. No more whining!!