I hate my hair.
And it really bothers me.
There. I've said it. I don't want to admit it, but I am vain. Or perhaps I really am having an identity crisis. It all started with a haircut. I wanted to go shorter. I thought it would be easier to fix. I thought if I couldn't pull it up then I would be forced to fix it and then I would look more put together. But the cut wasn't easier to fix and because now I have to use the blow dryer it looks frizzy and crunchy. I thought adding more layers would help tame it, but I don't really know what to do with them. And I thought I'd go a little darker with the color this time, but something went awry and I have gone from golden blonde to very, very dark brown. Were I gothic, this would be fine. However, my hair has never been this dark in my entire life. I think it looks unnatural. I think it looks like a wig. A bad wig. A little like the Snow White wigs you can buy at the Disney Store to go with your Snow White dress.
Unfortunately my Snow White dress is at the cleaners.
I did not even want to go out in public today. I was dreading going to church. I tried to walk in and totally act as though nothing were different, but there's not avoiding it. Something is very different. Everyone said they liked it, but I'm not really buying it. You know how you say, "Hey, I like your hair!" but you only say it because you have to acknowledge the change but you can't say, "Gawd! What the heck did you do to your hair?!" It was wretchedly painful.
I am wishing I had never done anything at all. I feel like I lost my femininity along with my long hair. Which is odd, because I had extra short hair for years before I grew it out. But I also had a cuter figure when my hair was short, so perhaps the long hair was the balance I needed to feel like a girl.
I don't want to be preoccupied with my appearance. I don't want to spend lots of time on my hair. I want to get past this. This is ridiculous. There are people in this world who are dying of disease and hunger and I am sitting here completely absorbed in my 'do. IT'S ONLY HAIR, YOU SILLY BUBBLEHEAD!!!!
So, anyone know a good place to stock up on black eyeliner?