Learning To Fly

I wonder sometimes how people see me.

I know what I used to think about people who homeschool. They were one step away from Amish. What? You homeschool and have running water inside your house? Amazing!! Sometimes when I meet someone new and they find out I homeschool I can tell they have the same reaction to me. I'm sure they think we only listen to Amy Grant and churn our own butter.

But the truth is, I think I am a pretty cool mom...for a homeschooler.

It's funny. When I quit my very glamorous job of Administrative Assistant to stay home with my firstborn, I was in heaven. I was completely fulfilled and threw myself into the role of Mommy with every fiber of my being. I gave it my all...and then some. I thought being a good mom meant wanting nothing for myself and everything for my child. The problem was that eventually I did find myself wanting some things for myself and then feeling guilty. Then supressing those desires and sometimes feeling very resentful (usually toward my husband, because he was the nearest target out of diapers) because I somehow wasn't completely happy just being mom. Yikes. Imagine that. The mommy monster wants out of her cage. Go figure.

Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't give up being a stay-at-home-mom for all the tea in China. And I couldn't bear to think of sending my children off to school each morning and not getting to be involved in their learning processes. This is the career I love. But, yeah, I'm getting a little antsy. I can say it now. I want to be more than mommy. And I don't even feel guilty.

See, I thought any woman who wasn't completely fulfilled being a wife and mother was wrong. A life outside the home? Never! But I am one of those women. I'm not going to go to the other extreme and say every mother should go out and get herself a life, or a job, or something to make her a better person. I believe there are some women out there who are truly domestic goddesses and couldn't be happier doing anything else. They excel at it. It's their niche. I love it, too. But I know there is more to me. And if I don't unearth that missing person, I will shrivel up and die.

So now I have a student ID number. I'm declaring English as my major. And I'm going back to school. I have to say, the fear is gone and I'm so excited I can't even put it into words. I am so happy I could cry...really.

Perhaps I should wear a sign that says, "Yes, I have three kids, homeschool and go to school myself. I have a phone in my house and drive an automobile...not a horse and buggy. I love God and I also love Aerosmith (obviously, not in the same way). My kids watch Disney movies. Please, don't be afraid."

Or better yet, I could don my cape and tights with a large S on my chest so the whole world will know I AM SUPERMOM! Up, up and away!