Daddy's Girl...I always wanted to be one. But I can't say that I ever was. My dad drank a lot in the early part of my childhood, and I have some vivid memories of what that was like. The last time I remember him drinking was when I was about seven. He had come home drunk and had it out with my mom. He ended up leaving and she took me and my brother to my grandma's. My older sister had been on a date and she met us there. It was the end for Mom. She told him that night--after he found us--that if he didn't stop drinking, we were gone for good. Well, that did it for him. He stopped. Though life was better at home, he was still gruff and distant. I remember longing for a close, affectionate relationship with him, but that relationship never came to be.
Dad is a wonderful grandpa. He worships my girls and showers them with kisses and complete adoration. I am so glad he does. But today I felt like I was fourteen again...dying for a word, a look from him that would deem me as special to him. Instead, I seemed invisible. We all have our issues, including my dad. I know how he was raised and can understand why he is the way he is. Most days I can take this into consideration and make due with our relationship. Today, I couldn't. Today I couldn't step back and see that he is a person with faults and shortcomings. I could only see him through the eyes of the needy daughter.
I love him. And I don't blame him. I know he did the best he could with what he had. There were times growing up he was very sweet and tender to me. I cling to those memories now to remind me that he did, and still does, love me.