Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Tiny Clothes

I cleaned my room today.

Don't faint.

I've fallen off the Flylady bandwagon with my room being dragged through the dust and dirt behind. Granted, it's not as bad as it could be, because Flylady has brainwashed me just enough to keep me from letting complete chaos set up residence again. And I feel convicted about setting the example for my kids.

Kids. Who knew they could act as built in self-control radars?

Anyway, for a couple of months I've been going through all of my baby things, seperating the very cherished from the lesser cherished and readying myself to part with them. It's been a somewhat sad process.

Okay. It's been an emotionally gut-wrenching process.

So while I was cleaning my room today, I found a plastic Target bag with a few of the very cherished items in it, waiting for me to file them in the cedar chest. It contained Brother's blue fleece teddy bear baby blanket, Sister's tiny, newborn bunny slippers and Baby's white cotten onesie with embroidered lady bugs. I lifted out the onesie, so soft and small. It was a newborn size and still looked pristine, as Baby, like every baby, didn't wear it long. I hugged it to me, pretending it still held that tiny, delicate creature and took a deep breath, feeling a little rush of nostalgia. Wishing it still had that sweet, baby smell. I rubbed it on my cheek and remembered the way it swallowed her at first. I couldn't find clothes small enough without resorting to preemies. She was so small and so alert and so utterly and unforgettably beautiful.

It is hard to leave those days behind. There is a part of me that longs to fill my house to the rafters with babies. But I know it is time to move on.

I folded it neatly and put it back in the bag with the others. I'll put it in the cedar chest another day. I can't close the lid on it today.

10 comments:

Cheerio's on my butt? said...

We must have the same drummer in our lives as you seem to be dancing to the same beat as me! I just did the exact same thing last week!!!!! Weird. I feel for you. It's a bit painful sometimes. I also like your savin' me video. I posted that same one awhile back! Love that song. My new favorite is Nickleback's "Far Away". It's cool. Oh and thanks for the Homeschool advice. I love that kind! None of that feeling like your not keeping up. Just the facts! Thanks! You rock!

Kelly said...

You brought a tear to my eye. I have *6* children, and it is still hard to put those baby things away. Alas, we are done with six. I still wouldn't mind another.

girlymama said...

I completely agree -- sorting through baby clothes is heartwrenching. They are so cute and so tiny... whenever I do, I get that 'need-to-have-another-one' feeling. It usually passes when the kids wake up from their naps and I am rapidly returned to reality!
love your blog!!!

LiteratureLover said...

Ohhh. I promise, it will get easier with time. But I still have those moments. Two days ago I found a tiny newborn hat that was my little mister's. I hugged it too.

The Human Napkin said...

Oh, how I know what that feels like! But I had the bright idea that instead of getting rid of the clothes, I'd use them to make a quilt and that way, I'd have made something nice and not feel like I'd just thrown out some memories. But now, they're sitting in a box because I have yet to bring myself to take a pair of scissors to them! FlyLady would be ashamed of me. But that's only if she made it through the door without fainting first...

dcrmom said...

*sniffle* I try to get rid of stuff as they outgrow them. That way I never have to look back at clothes a few years old and wish for those tiny little bodies to fill them again. It just goes too fast. :-(

Bttrfly1976 said...

This was a mighty sad post for you. I can't even respond because my response would be too sad. I do love those tiny clothes, though. The twins are being swallowed by the preemie stuff so far. It won't be long and they'll be in their 3T Levi's. So sad. ok, i guess that was a response after all.

Melzie said...

aww my youngest starts pre-k NEXT MONDAY and I am bout to dieeeeee. Its tempting but like I told my hubby I cant keep having babies every 4-5 yrs I have to stop somewhere :( xoxo melzie

Cmommy said...

:-) A smile and a tear...I hear ya! C

HeartsDesire said...

You're killin' me. There is a sweet sorrow to looking back isn't there?