I know right away when a telemarketer calls my house. It's the last name. It trips 'em up every time.
So when What's His Face from the Blah Blah National Committee called to solicit money for his policital party today, the jig was up.
"Hello. May I speak to Mr. or Mrs. (fumbles for the right pronunciation)...."
I don't offer to save him. I simply sit and wait.
"...uh, how do you say it?"
" (Insert tricky, awkward to pronounce Czech name here.)"
"Oh! I'm so sorry. I'm terrible with names."
"That's okay." It's really not.
Then he goes into his speel about how important it is for his political party to win and how in order to do that, they need funding.
There it is. The magic word. Funding.
"Could we count on you for a contribution of just $75?"
"No. I'm sorry. I can't."
"Well, how about $50? And you wouldn't even have to pay today."
"No, I'm sorry. My husband is a student and we have small children. I really can't."
"(slight chuckle) Well, even I can afford $50, and I have two kids in college."
"Yes, but you probably make more than $9 an hour."
"No, ma'am. I'm a volunteer."
"Good for you. I'm not giving you money today. I'm sitting here because I can't afford to put gas in my car."
"Yes, the gas prices are impacting everyone. I'm just doing my job..."
"Look, genius. We are broke. Perhaps you would rather I give you $50 instead of pay my electric bill so my children and I can die from heat exhaustion in the 102 degree heat. Maybe I should give you $50 and feed my family with the can of green chilis sitting in my pantry and a boiled egg. I know you hear 'I can't afford it' all the time. It's a cute line people use to get you off the phone. But it is, in fact, my reality. And no, you are not 'just doing your job', you moronic low-life, you VOLUNTEERED to call and harass me for money!! I HAVEN'T HAD MY ROOTS DONE IN EIGHT WEEKS!!! If I had $50 to spare, I'd donate it to my hairdresser!! If you're lookin' for money, call the CEO of Exxon. I hear he had a GREAT year!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"
Now, what I really said...
I like the fantasy version better.