I've lost my waist. I know I used to have one. I have pictures to prove it. But it's gotten away from me somehow. It is nowhere to be found.
On a related subject, I found a bag of M&M's today I had hidden from the kids and forgot about. I put the sweeties to bed at 7:45 this evening and inhaled the bag in about 0.25 seconds. However, it was just a small bag, so it only left me wanting more.
Now, what was I saying about my waist?
I didn't realize it was gone until I recently went looking for a dress to wear in my sister's upcoming wedding. I am her matron of honor.
Matron. That word conjures up images of hair slicked into a tight, little bun and eyeglasses on a chain.
Anyway, she won't be having any bridesmaids, so I get to pick what I want to wear, as long as it's lavender. Initially, I was kind of excited. I haven't worn a dress of any kind in about three years. The thought of getting to pick out a beautiful, evening gown sort of dress and have a reason to get all girlied up made me giddy.
Well, that didn't last long. Shopping for a beautiful, lavender, flattering dress was almost as painful as shopping for a swimsuit. See, I'm not a 21-year-old size 4, which is who all the pretty dresses are made for. The dresses in my size seemed to be very fitting of the word "matron". Actually, they were very fitting of the word "tent", too, which is what I was considering after a day of shopping.
"Hello? Bass Pro Shop? Yes, do you carry the Coleman Montana Big Sky tent in lavender?"
I came home discouraged and disappointed. The truth is, instead of an hourglass, I look like a sausage. A bratwurst, if you may. No waist.
So, after complaining to my hairdresser, she rescued me from having to go back out on the frontlines of dress shopping. Turns out her daughter was in a wedding last year and has a lovely, lavender bridesmaid dress in my size. It fits. It's pretty. And it's strapless, showing off the batwings I have grown on the underside of my upper arms.
Now, what to do about my farmer tan?
Oh, yeah. If you happen to see my waist, please tell it to come home. I miss it very much.