Apparently my children and I speak two very different languages. Because when I speak, they either
A. Act like they didn't hear me
B. Do something other than what I said to do.
These are some problem phrases:
"Sister, pick up your dress-up clothes."
Translation: "Sister, get out your Polly Pocket dolls and play with them."
"Come here, please."
Translation: "Stand silently where you are and don't make any sudden moves."
"Sister, pick up your dress-up clothes, NOW."
Translation: "Sister, see how many plastic bead necklaces you can cram into a tiny little purse, NOW."
"Please put those clothes away."
Translation: "Please take these clean clothes that I laundered for you, unfold them and scatter them about your room."
"You may read books quietly on your bed."
Translation: "Practice your light saber skills, complete with sound effects, while your baby sister naps in the next room. Try very hard to wake her up."
"Bedtime! Go get in bed."
Translation: "Ignore me. Don't move a muscle. And while you're at it, think of something very important you need to discuss with me."
"Please, don't do that."
Translation: "Do that. Repeatedly."
"Just a minute!"
Translation: "Keep yelling at me. I can't get enough of that."