Friday, May 05, 2006

Summer Pledge

Alright ladies, it's that time of year once again!!! So my sisters, PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me:

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

"As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals."

Editorial Comment: This is not an original piece, but was sent to me in email. I found it hysterical. I, however, cannot take the pledge as I have already broken about 7 of those rules. I usually polish my nails once in May, and then add a coat on top of the chipped polish every week until September, when I finally put the sandals away and let the polish wear off. WHO HAS TIME TO PAINT THEIR NAILS??!!

9 comments:

Diana said...

I used to have a million pairs of cute sandals and used to follow every one of those rules. Now- cute sandals would mean cute clothes-or rather cute clothes THAT FIT. I think I'll be sporting sneakers most of this summer...

LiteratureLover said...

I pledge not to take the pledge. Thanks for the laugh.

jessica said...

Had a pedicure on Tuesday... I am well prepared for flip flops. My feet are claustrophobic...at least that is my excuse for my lack of proper footwear.

jesprincess said...

I'm with Jessica. I hate shoes. The more open the better. And I love to paint my nails with my girl, so we almost always have fresh polish. I kind of like those rules, even if they are silly.

The June Cleaver Diaries said...

Ugh. I just did the anual polish two days ago, and naturally, I got my first chip this morning.

The June Cleaver Diaries said...

Um, that would be "annual." Nice that the first time I come to your site, I have a typo.

janjanmom said...

My heels are so starting to look like that!! Painted toes red with white polka dots today though so they are FRESH!

New pumice stone is added to the shopping list!

Heth said...

That photo grosses me out so much.

I am guilty of touching up my big toes for a few weeks.....

Michelle- This One's For The Girls said...

Nasty feet!!! I think I'm going to go get a pedicure tomorrow...