Friday, November 04, 2005

Roses In December


My baby was 11 months old yesterday. She is four weeks away from being a year old. If I could stop time, I would. She is so sweet and so fun and so darling and so...delectible. It is sad to know that my baby time is coming to a close. There won't be any more babies for me. She is it. It was a little sad with my older children, but I always knew I'd have more. I want to keep her perfect little feet and soft cheeks forever and ever. I was in Wal-Mart the other day and saw a brand new baby. I literally fought back tears.

Ahhhhh....babies are bliss.

With my first baby I was blown away by the all-consuming love I felt for him. With my husband, I grew to love him. With my son, it was instant. They put him in my arms and it was pure magic. Being a first time mom, I didn't know much about raising a child, even though I was sure I knew everything. I made so many mistakes with him. There were days I was impatient and frustrated with him, even as a baby. Now I wish I could have those days back. I wish I could be the mom then that I am today. I wouldn't worry so much if he got half an hour less sleep than he should. I wouldn't worry if he got off schedule or did things differently than what every book said he should do. I would let him be him and me be me. I would just enjoy him. Because I know now it's all just a blip. Don't get me wrong...we had lots of fun together, but I was stressed a lot. I was uptight about his care and worried constantly. I have let go of so much with my girls, and I think they are a little bit sunnier because of it. So tonight I will let my baby lay next to me and will drink in the magic of her. I will try my best to memorize her smell, her softness and the way her breath feels on my cheek.
-"God gave us memory so we could have roses in December."

1 comment:

h b said...

ok angela! way to make me cry in the middle of the day! i remember when i was little, that i would wish that kitties and puppies would stay kitties and puppies forever. we'll figure out how to convince reagan and elijah to stay little forever! ok, enough sad for now! its only 2 in the afternoon! always love to read your writing.