Friday, November 04, 2005
Roses In December
My baby was 11 months old yesterday. She is four weeks away from being a year old. If I could stop time, I would. She is so sweet and so fun and so darling and so...delectible. It is sad to know that my baby time is coming to a close. There won't be any more babies for me. She is it. It was a little sad with my older children, but I always knew I'd have more. I want to keep her perfect little feet and soft cheeks forever and ever. I was in Wal-Mart the other day and saw a brand new baby. I literally fought back tears.
Ahhhhh....babies are bliss.
With my first baby I was blown away by the all-consuming love I felt for him. With my husband, I grew to love him. With my son, it was instant. They put him in my arms and it was pure magic. Being a first time mom, I didn't know much about raising a child, even though I was sure I knew everything. I made so many mistakes with him. There were days I was impatient and frustrated with him, even as a baby. Now I wish I could have those days back. I wish I could be the mom then that I am today. I wouldn't worry so much if he got half an hour less sleep than he should. I wouldn't worry if he got off schedule or did things differently than what every book said he should do. I would let him be him and me be me. I would just enjoy him. Because I know now it's all just a blip. Don't get me wrong...we had lots of fun together, but I was stressed a lot. I was uptight about his care and worried constantly. I have let go of so much with my girls, and I think they are a little bit sunnier because of it. So tonight I will let my baby lay next to me and will drink in the magic of her. I will try my best to memorize her smell, her softness and the way her breath feels on my cheek.
-"God gave us memory so we could have roses in December."