Tuesday, March 13, 2007

So, I haven't dropped out of school...or moved to Australia, even though it sounded pretty good Thursday. I woke up at 2 a.m. Saturday morning and could not go back to sleep, all in a panic about my Brit Lit midterm. The more I thought about it, the more I KNEW I had failed. I didn't want to go to class this morning. I didn't want to face my professor. What if she said something to me about it? What if she didn't? I didn't want to know my grade. I wanted to pretend it didn't happen and move on.

I had to ask myself, what would it mean if I didn't get an "A" in this class? Would it mean I was a failure? Would it mean I couldn't be a good writer? I have friends with their baby in ICU. Another friend whose husband is in Afghanistan and may be deployed again next year. People around me - people I know and love - are hurting and I'm losing sleep over one silly exam. An "A" in British Literature suddenly lost its significance and I found myself humbled.

It's hard to shift the focus sometimes, from what makes me happy, to what makes those around me happy. And even harder to dig down so deep I lose sight of myself completely and can give from a place that is real and unaffected.

Pray for this beautiful boy.

Pray for my friend, the military wife, who has been raising two kids on her own for a year and faces the possiblility of doing it again.

God help us.


jesprincess said...

Thank you for that. That was sweet. I also like how you "forgot" to mention your A! Love you girl!

Kara said...

Your friends will definitely be in my prayers.

Dave G said...

All things are reletive, only the point of reference changes. Its ok to value the things that are important to you as long as you are aware of the things that are important to others.

Deena said...

God just has a way of putting things in perspective for us...and I'm sure the mom who's raising her kids while dad is off to war thinks of someone who is in more need than herself, and so on and son and so on...keeps us lifting one another up in prayer...praying for you as well in your daily needs and struggles...did you get your grade??????

jjofar said...

i am praying for the two warriors and for your A.

zephyrsbound said...

You sound like me...I had a nightmare a few nights ago. I dreamed I had a third class that I had forgotten about...eeek! I somehow had taken a test in there and made an A, but realized that I had another paper to write over a book we had to read. Talk about panic! I am just glad I woke up from that one and that it wasn't confined to reality. Whew!