Monday, December 04, 2006

Somewhere Between Soccer Mom and Sex Kitten


It never fails to depress me.


I know, I know. Something must be wrong. Why in the world would shopping depress me? Is it a hormone imbalance? A female glandular problem?


It's the size of my rear. And the gray hair. And the little lines I'm starting to see on my face. And my bloodshot, sleep-deprived eyeballs. And the mirrors...for the love of all that is holy, why do we have to have so many GODFORSAKEN MIRRORS in the JCPenny's dressing room???!!!

And I wish the gorgeous, twenty-something model on the Photoshopped perfume poster would stop staring at me.

I want a stylist.

I want someone to pick clothes off the rack for me that make me look fabulous and I will never have to look in the mirror again.

Oh, yeah. Make them seriously on clearance, too.

I mean it, folks. I need help.

So my two good pairs of jeans have holes in the knees and the rear end. In the eighties, I would have been super hip. Pair that with some sky-high Aqua Net hair and a Spuds McKenzie T-shirt and I would be a veridable fashion maven.

But on a thirty-three-year-old mommy, it just looks like I'm trying too hard.

Today I actually had time and funds to go do some shopping. So I head to the mall, mustering up what little optimism I have left from the last shopping trip.

I begin in Macy's and, once again, have the same, sinking feeling I have every time I go shopping:

Is it just me, or is everything made for teenagers and grandmothers?

I mean, I can either have a shirt that is skin tight and navel-baring or I can have a zip-up, Christmas cardigan, embellished with sequin teddy bears and snowflakes.


I don't want a pink, cable-knit sweater set, but I don't want the see-through, Paris Hilton-esque, camisole, either.

So, how am I supposed to vear from my old standby of jeans and V-neck black knit shirt? How do I find a style that says "Yes, I am a mom, but I'm not looking at condos in Florida?" or "Me-ow, do you like what you see?"

So, what did I buy?


And jeans and a V-neck knit shirt.

But it's blue.


Anonymous said...

I hear ya, sister! I'm in that lovely in between age, too (35). And on top of that, I'm fat. Apparently, the store buyers think that if you are larger than a size 12, you are automatically 85.

I had good luck at Penney's this weekend though. Lots of cute sweaters.

karlanee said...

You're preaching to the choir now, girl! I feel like I've been in-between my whole life. And like Debby, I'm 35 and larger than a size 12 - so therefore I must be her 85 year old twin sister. LOL

It must have been so much easier before Adam and Eve ate that fruit!

dcrmom said...

The In-Between is at Ann Taylor Loft. The prices are better than Ann Taylor, and the styles are PERFECT for a 30-something mommy. The sale racks have many great finds if you're on a budget! Do you have an ATL??? I hate department stores. I can't ever find my department. I don't know if they HAVE a department for me. But I just love going to ATL.

shannon @ rocks in my dryer said...

Yes, yes, yes! Drives me nuts. I want something loose and long--but still stylish--around my oh-so-troublesome mid-section.

rayzerbackgirl said...

Yes, the in-between is Ann Taylor Loft and Christopher Banks.

And the best jeans in the world for mommies are Zena (size 12). I just bought a pair at Dillards for $45 and they are soooo slenderizing.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I could have written your post; I have experienced your pain. They need a department between juniors and missus for those of us that aren't hoochy-mamas and aren't yet grandmas! I have fair luck at Kohl's.

SaraJo said...

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this fun little situation! To make things even worse, my size has been fluctuating quite a bit over the last few years (gained weight, lost weight, got pregnant, nursed for a year, lost a little more weight, am currently pregnant) so I don't even know what size I am most of the time. Arrgh.

SaraJo said...

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this fun little situation! To make things even worse, my size has been fluctuating quite a bit over the last few years (gained weight, lost weight, got pregnant, nursed for a year, lost a little more weight, am currently pregnant) so I don't even know what size I am most of the time. Arrgh.

Mommy the Maid said...

I just went through the same thing. Luckily, Kohls has some jeans that are right in between. Daisy Fuentes and Apt. 9. They fit my odd shaped "mom body" but don't look dowdy.

And hey, nothing wrong with a knit top. Staple of the closet around here. I have to spend more $$ and find places that over a size tall shirt though.

Auntie B said...

Sister - I feel your pain!!!!!!!!

Apparently, there are a lot of us that belong to the same family. Mainly, because I'm a lot like Debby and Karlanee. Especially on the "larger than a size 12"-thing. So, that's why I make some of what I wear. I made all of my sister's formals (she's a thick little chicklet, too). Now, I'm also making things for some of the girls at church to wear to work.

Never fear! AuntieB is here!!!! (with her 3 sewing machines - yes, I said 3 - and I didn't mention the serger.)

So, if you ever need anything, just get in touch with me.


Domestic Goddess said...

let's hear it for jeans and v-neck t-shirts. I happen to be sporting heather pink long sleeve today!

Anonymous said...

I can TOTALLY relate! I, too, am an "80's child" and love my jeans, long sleeved t-shirts, sweaters and baggy sweatshirts. I hate to buy new clothes for myself! Like "janelle" and "mommy the maid", I have the most luck at Kohl's.

Anonymous said...

That makes two of us. I live at Kohl's (for daily stuff) and Coldwater Creek (for the fancier stuff). Add to that my long legs/height (5'11") and you can see it's oh-so-much fun for me to go shopping.

Anonymous said...

I've just finally accepted the fact that I'm slowly headed the way of Mrs. Roper on Three's Company.

Oh for the housecoat to come back into style!

Christina said...

Oh my gosh... you said spuds mckenzie. Wow, I'm having a flash back.

Sarah said...

I'm flashing back even more with the Mrs. Roper reference. Let's start a blog-wide movement to all wear multi-colored housedresses! However, "rayzer's" comment made me gasp with excitement -- my 2-stoplight town doesn't have an Ann Taylor's loft, but we DO have Christopher Banks. SERIOUSLY -- go, go, go (website OR store!) And, my FAVORITE part, other than the awesome paisley skirt I got for $4.99, is that their sizes run BIG. Yes, Ma'am, you heard me! You will fit in that size you think you fit in! Run, run like the wind!

Iccle Anne said...

I may be 25, but I find clothes shopping a real chore. My problem is that I what I want to buy is not in the stores. I struggle most with trousers, as I need the petite length, but not in such a petite size (British 14).

jjofar said...

ok, i am going to tell my fatness here, but Gordman's has a junior PLUS section. they actually have cute, trendy clothes and it could just be my strange body type but if you're not hung up on the actual size you are buying...they fit really well. i say forget the # on the tag. if it looks good and feels good on you, wear it!!!!

LiteratureLover said...

I don't know what you're talking about. I simply love shopping for clothes.


Hey, at least you walked away with a few things.

Anonymous said...

Yes, and there is even an ann taylor outlet, with even better deals!!

Finelly said...

I love shopping, but I. hate. shopping. It used to be so fun. Now it's a bit of a drag to disappoint myself store after store.
I end up wearing the same stuff over and over and over. I'm sure people love looking at that every day. I know I do.

heartsjoy said...

LOL!!! Somewhere between soccer mom and sex kitten!! You are soo funny. Yes, I relate to all above! I am going to have to check out these stores listed! I loved reading this and realizing I am not the only mom out there with this problem! Yea! Misery loves company!

Anonymous said...

I love this post- I think I'll link to it on my own blog... I am SO in agreement with you. It's either something fit for a grandma or one of the Olsen twins.