Friday, December 22, 2006

Of Mice and Men

I noticed it first on my countertop, of all places. Tiny, little black pellets...like chocolate sprinkles.
Only they're not.

My initial reaction was denial. I cleaned the countertop with bleach and pretended it was some kind of weird, supernatural phenomena. Coincidence. A one-time freak incident. And I went along my merry way.

But the sprinkles returned. And then a hole was chewed in the bread on top of the fridge.

I couldn't deny it any longer.

We have a mouse.

But even then I didn't come to full terms with it. Is there such a thing as "a mouse"? Or is it more like "a mouse infestation"?

I told Hubby, who said he would set some traps, and returned to my nice, happy place of Ignore-It-And-It-Will-Go-Away.

One evening while Hubby was working and the kids were in bed, I mosied into the kitchen on my way to retrieve a load of laundry from the dryer. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted movement on the countertop.

Unless the coffeepot sprouted feet, that should not be happening.

I quietly sneak over to inspect the situation further, with a bit of fear and trepidation, I might add.

And what should I see but a pair of beety little black eyes peeking out from behind one of my yellow apple canisters.

Shudder.

He just sits there, frozen, waiting for my next move. I wad up a paper towel and throw it his direction.

He doesn't even flinch.

Now a mouse in plain sight is bad enough, but a brave mouse sitting there staring you down in your very own kitchen is just downright creepy.

The nerve.

I went from freaked out to mad. How dare that brazen little rodent challenge me?!

So I charge him, knowing full well I won't catch him. But, by golly, I'm gonna give him a good scare.

He bolts, of course. But to where I don't know. He disappeared behind the vegetable steamer and then vanished into thin air.

How do they do that???!!!

And where's the cat during all of this? Asleep on my bed.

That's it. No more food for Cookie. I'm cuttin' her off.

I rummaged around in my box of miscellaneous junk and found a package of EZ set traps. You know, the kind you don't even have to bait because that big, yellow piece of plastic with holes in it is supposed to trick the mice into believing it's real cheese.

They are also easier to set, which saves you a trip to the ER to have your finger reattached.

I set it and put it behind my apple canisters. I even take some little pieces of chocolate cake and sprinkle them around the trap, thinking my plan is quite diabolical. That little mouse is going to be so taken with my homemade chocolate cake he won't even notice he's walking right into a yellow plastic EZ death trap.

Heh, heh, heh.

Next morning I tiptoed gleefully to the kitchen, fully expecting to see my plan had worked.

What did I find?

No cake.

No mouse.

That evening Hubby and I put the kids to bed and watched "The DaVinci Code" while I played with....uh, I mean, wrapped the kids Christmas presents.

All of a sudden we hear a loud SNAP!

And then it screams.

Dear God...the screams.

My Knight In Shining Armour heads to the kitchen to resolve the situation while I cower in the living room.

He then proceeds to tell me all the gory details.

"It's a little one! Cute, too."

Now I'm feeling bad. Sure, I wanted them obliterated and smashed into a million, zillion little pieces, but I didn't actually want to hurt them.

I retreat to the playroom while Hubby disposes of our tiny victim outside. I don't want to see it. I don't want to know. I just want to find my happy place and camp there a while.

But while he is performing the dirty deed, I hear him talking to someone.

Very curious.

Very curious, indeed.

When it's all over I come out of my hiding place and ask who he was talking to.

"The mouse," he says, rather matter-of-factly.

"And what did you say?"

"Well, I told him if he happened to survive the night, to tell all his friends that the Death Angel is coming for them, too."

My hero.

15 comments:

The Human Napkin said...

I've found that a Red Rider BB gun works wonders at controlling the mouse population out here in the middle of nowhere, otherwise known as Mouse Central, the gathering place for all mice in the state of Texas who have nowhere else to chew through things. We just had to replace the drain hose on the washing machine because a mouse chewed right through it so that the washer dumped water on the floor every time it ran (it was a very LARGE mouse or possibly a rat, by the looks of the, um, sprinkles). Fun!

Diana said...

Oh man! I hate mice. We had one in our old house and nothing worked to get his tail out. He stayed when we moved, a present for the new tenants!
My mother used to use the sticky pads and put peanut butter on them (we lived in NYC) and the poor little guys we used to catch...

Heth said...

That was really funny.

Kelli said...

You need a t-shirt "DEATH ANGEL".

People will wonder.

People will talk.

Funny, funny, funny, funny.

Anonymous said...

mBack -years ago when we first moved into this old house(we took over from the mice) I had at least 2 generations of mice. With one snap I caught mom and two babies; later brothers and sisters and more babies. I caught 12 mice in one day. I said never again and it hasn't happened again. But when fall comes I start looking for the signs. I won't share again, my house is my house! My cats are totally useless when it comes to mice unless thet scare them.

Mom's Secret Life said...

I'm sorry, but this made me laugh and snort in a most unlady-like manner. I hope the rest of the rodents take the warning and stay away.

Karly said...

Too Funny! I would say that we've never had a mouse in this house and how utterly amazing that is, but we all know what would happen. Infestation. Lets just pretend I didn't just type that, mmkay?

Brandy said...

I can SO see your night in shining armor doing that, and with such delight..

org junkie said...

Oh.my.word! I would have completely freaked out...such a wimp I am. Well done getting rid of the pesky thing!
Laura

Ribbon Rock Star said...

HAHA!

Glad you got rid of that thing.

Michelle said...

That's hilarious! Mouse stories . . . ugh! But that your man tried to reason with them is just TOO MUCH! lol!

Alli said...

Oh man! We had a mouse last year that made me so mad!! THe thing was so daring and BRAVE!! It would run around the boys and I in the middle of the day while we played on the floor! And somehow it got around ALL the traps we set for it. Finally, our pest control people got it with some poison.

Anyway, I could totally relate to your story. Our good news? We haven't seen any sprinkles or little black eyes since...

Sheila said...

I know how you feel. I've had those horrible vistors before. We used the glue traps. Nothing but field mice.
Usually our cat goes after it, got a couple too. And brought them to me in the morning when I'm not fully awake. Eww.
Last year I think one was trapped underneath the strip near our back door. I called our exterminator and he put poison in the door. Wasn't harmful to my cat either.

Anonymous said...

I had that happen once..lol! it's a riot. Worst part is the mouse was running right in front of my cat...who by the way had never seen a mouse in her life. Now that's pathetic on the cats part. The mouse..eventually he was caught on a glue trap and then bit my friend who came to remove his disgusting little body from my apt. they are a pain when they are around.

good story

Rebecca said...

I remember when I used to think mice only lived in mobile homes. Ha! But the worst was when, at very-early-still-dark-nobody-else-is-up-yet , one ran past my feet as I was sitting on the toilet!

I'm thankful for you that your hero was there when the thing got caught. How little fun that screaming would have been. Ugh!