Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Bedtime. Bah Humbug.

I'm going to buy my children new beds.

Hospital beds. With restraints.

Wonder if they make those in bunk beds?

Bedtime is going to be the death of me. Or them.

I have this idea that bedtime should be a time to unwind. A calm relaxing time, where everyone speaks in hushed tones and we read soothing stories and snuggle then everyone shuffles sleepily to their respective beds, where I kiss them, tell them I love them and drift peacefully off to sleep.

Instead bedtime is this:
"Brother, get dressed for bed. Sister, brush your teeth. Baby, bring Mommy a diaper. Sister, did you take your medicine? Brother, get dressed for bed. Brush your teeth. Get dressed. Diaper. Teeth. Dressed. NOW. BRUSH YOUR TEETH. DID YOU HEAR ME??!! I SAID GET DRESSED!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT??!! WHERE'S THE DIAPER???!!! NO STORY!!! NO KISSES!!! GO TO BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD!!!!"

Then once they are finally in bed, Baby gets up at least a gajillion trillion times telling me she has a dirty diaper (she doesn't) or her Dora doll needs to be dressed (she doesn't) or the sky is falling (it isn't).

Please tell me your bedtime looks like this, too.

And tell me this - Why do my children bicker and/or ignore each other all day and suddenly, between baths and bed they are bosom buddies, frolicking and hanging from the ceiling together as if it were the most natural thing for them to be enjoying one another's company so completely?

Bedtime? What is that? Look, Mommy Dear! We love each other! We are adorable! You can't possibly think about bedtime now!

Uh, yeah. Watch me.

So, the beds. I'm thinkin' it's the best idea I've had all year.

And if the restraints don't work on the kids. I'll use them.

To hang myself.


lifeinsuburbia said...


Charley gets up a bajillion times, claiming one crisis after another.

And Charley and Oliver are BFF after dinnertime. Before bedtime. Best playing all day!

Delurking, I think

cjoy said...

Oh yeah, I hear you. I do find that if I start the reminders/routines, etc a little EARLIER, they can fit in the delays BEFORE I get frustrated by the time. I'm all about being in pj's well in advance of bedtime (when it's practical, of course, b/c sometimes that doesn't fit our lives, but I try, I dream, I wish...haha!).

Heather said...

Oh thank God it's not just my house that falls apart at bed time. By the time we are done brushing teeth around here, everyone is in tears (including me...just kidding...mostly) and the peaceful slumber I envision just turns to me wanting to slither off for a stiff drink after they are finally asleep.

2boysmama said...

oh you have to listen to "pachabel bedtime" on youtube. Shannon linked to it on rocks in my dryer last week. It so describs your situation.

Emilie said...

You seem to emulate other mama posts, or vice versa. Which came first?

Anonymous said...

On the flip side, before you know it they will be teenagers, and you won't be able to get them out of bed, I know it seems along way off, but it isn't.

Molly said...

Oh my, I just found your blog today and this post made me laugh outloud!! Are you sure you don't live at my house?! Guess not, as we don't have a "brother" yet...just 3 sisters! :)

Sheen' of Diaper Harlem said...

Hi there! Finally taking a breathe of air from school and life to read all of my favorite blog ladies and I had to say that i am glad that I am not alone in the "bedtime is murder" dilemma. Let me know if the beds work! Ha!
Good to see you again!

Big Pumpkin said...

Haha...I can totally relate. Why can't she frigging just SLEEP!!!! I've already entertained her the whole frigging day, it's MY time now!