I normally like Mondays. I know it sounds weird, but I see it as a new beginning...a chance to right the wrongs of last week. On Monday I will complete our lessons and produce incredibly brilliant children (I homeschool). On Monday I will wash all 20 loads of laundry, as well as fold, iron and put it all away. On Monday my house will be immaculate and I will serve a healthful, yet tasty seven course meal at day's end to my endlessly happy and satisfied family who has had their every need met by me...SuperMom. I will tuck the three children, bathed and powdered, into their cozy beds, made up with springtime fresh linens, but only after I read them a lovely bedtime story in soothing tones, to which they will listen quietly in awe because their brilliant young minds (which I have properly molded) are hungry for every crumb of knowledge I send their way. I will kiss them, tell them goodnight and they will drift peacefully off to Dreamland with sweet smiles on their pink faces. Then I will retreat to my spotless living room with my adoring husband where I will be charming, beautiful and amusing. He will be enthralled with me and wonder how he ever got so lucky. We will spend the evening basking in the glow of our perfect, loving union. You understand how I set myself up for a disappointment here, right?
So, today I drag myself out of bed, which my baby peed in last night. She has had me up most of the night with a tummy ache and wanting to nurse constantly. Brother and Sister, 6 and 3, have been up for half an hour or more and have helped themselves to a breakfast of M&M's and Tootsie Rolls. They are each on their second helping. I stumble over Mount Dirty Undies to retreive the contraban and dispose of it properly. Things are not looking good for my New Beginning. So, what can I feed them without having to fully wake up and actually cook? I will feed them a nutritious breakfast...Fruit Loops. I pour the cereal and clear two spots on the kitchen table...we'll call it Mount Where Will I Put All This Crap?...where the darlings sit their tushies and dig in. I dig out the coffee grinder, which is hidden among the dirty dishes on the counter and manage to get some coffee going, all of this with one hand since Baby Pee Pee is perched soggily on my hip. It's 8:00 a.m. and Brother and Sister want to watch a movie. We should start school at 9:00, but we could start at 10:00. That would give me some time to get a few things done and maybe even (joy of joys!) get a shower. Sure, we'll watch a movie. But after it's over, we must do school. Well, it is now 1:30 in the afternoon and we still haven't done our schoolwork. I have only managed to do some laundry, feed them lunch and put them down for naps. It's not how I saw today playing out.
I desperately want to give my family everything and make them happy. When I can't, it hurts. It's where my hearts' desire collides with my own weaknesses and limitations. Why would God give us such beautiful creatures and not make us perfect to meet every need? It doesn't seem fair that they be shortchanged, disappointed or faced with failure. They deserve to have a mommy that will never let them down. But God has spoken to me in this. If I were perfect, why would they ever need Him? If their lives were perfect, they would never understand their need for a Saviour. I can't possibly be everything to them, but He can. God, give me grace and patience today when things don't go my way. Give me wisdom to resolve those moments. May my children know You through my failure.